Four Single Old Dudes

The last four times I’ve gone to a bar by myself I have had the full attention of a single older man. Let me just put out there that I sincerely doubt it’s because I represent any sort of dating/sexual prospect for these gentleman. Now that we got that out of they way, I want to say thank you to Guillaume, Pat, Chris, and Gil. You’re all great, albeit lonely, dudes. Thanks for the advice, info on Montreal, and bacon. All interactions have been supremely positive, until we’ve parted ways. My head starts reeling, what am I doing wrong? Am I going to be lonely when I’m 45, 55, 65? How do I prevent this? Ugh…from here on out I’ll try to focus on the waitresses.

No I won’t.

Here’s the thing, I don’t believe on picking up girls at bars. Other than my belief that an establishment that serves mind altering substances is not an ideal place to meet new people, I could give a shit less that you got all dolled up to come to a place called the Pumphouse. I don’t care about you or you’re cardigan and I’m sure as hell not buying you a vodka Red Bull.

Fact: I’ve never bought a female, who I didn’t know previously, a drink at a bar.

I’m pretty proud of that. You don’t deserve it, ladies. Although that Cardigan does look decent on you.

Getting back to the four old men. They all wondered why I didn’t have a “lady.” I took their comments as a compliment, but none of them resembled the love child of a NFL Tight End and Founding Member of a Northern California Biker Gang like I do. I simply had to explain to them that people in general, let alone women at bars, are put off with my mere presence. It’s funny how they completely got what I was saying. It’s sad but true.

Oh and another thing, I don’t hit on waitresses or  bartenders. They are working, it’s just not right, slick. Yeah I’m calling YOU slick now. Also, don’t whistle at the bartender. At least in my presence.



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Divvied Up

As I’m sitting in my apartment on a rainy Friday evening I have two thoughts in my head. Number 1) Is it morally wrong to take my glass of whiskey into the shower with me? And Number 2) Graduate School, if nothing else, is a giant friendship making machine.  Lets focus on no. 2 shall we?

Of course many people may disagree with me (loners), but I have come to the realization (6 months removed) that grad school is a giant friend making network/machine.  It’s really easy to see why.  A collection of driven or semi-driven individuals, divvied up into smaller groups “classes” which focus on the same ideas.  Individuals in these smaller groups (again part of a larger population) are then randomized in to a collection of classes over a 1 to 2 year period. Upon graduation each individual now has a professional network.  Truly, the significance of an individuals network is based upon their ability to make and retain those contacts.  I believe it to be easier to make friends/a connection with someone when both parties are given a common denominator by a shared 3rd party.  Which is exactly the social aspect of grad school.

I’m not completely overlooking the undergraduate network, but lets just say it’s full of Andy’s. Sure Andy is a cool guy to hangout with and throw a few back, although it became increasingly less fun carrying him to the hospital when he was in his “lets drink on the roof ” stage. Definitely not the person I want to have consulting me on my budgetary reports.


– There are other merits of grad school: jobs, knowledge, and so forth…

Song of the Day: Got You Where I Want You by The Fly’s:

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Tuna Casserole

Alright this will be a quick post as I am waiting for my food to warm up.  What am I doing tonight? Well I’m glad you asked. I am reaquainting myself with Adobe Illustrator. For this, I’ll need whiskey.  As per usual when editing images the browner the whiskey the better, also cheaper doesn’t hurt either (Hello Ten High!).  Yes it’s only Tuesday, and the sun hasn’t set, and I’m by myself….what?

A few things:

1) I’m terrible at writing press releases, but hoping to get better.  When it comes to stats I hate trying to make something out of nothing.

2) The worst part about going back to work, as opposed to being gloriously unemployed, is most definitely socks. They are awful.  Closed toed shoes are a close second.

3) Based on my current condition, I can assume that the greatest thing you can do to further your career is to move somewhere where you know no one. Also assuming that place has no good burrito joints and/or all the sports bars have waitresses in referee uniforms (who aren’t carrying little yellow flags, who is dressing these girls?? Continuity fail.)

Or whatever YOU may be into.


Tuna Casserole on the Cheap:

Pound of Macaroni

(2) Cans of Cream of Chicken

1/3 log of Velveeta

(1) decently large can of tuna (Dolphin Free or Full dependent on you taste)

Boil Noodles, Drain, add C of C & velveeta, stir until mixed, add tuna (maybe some peas or mushrooms, if you’re feeling friskey), eat. Bask.


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Newness & Karma

A friend just told me I hadn’t blogged in a while…turns out she was right. I told my self I’d be good with this, Liar!

So I’m in a new town, new state, new everything.  Thusly, money is hemorrhaging from my pocket-book like water from a broken hydrant.  To no vail can I stop it.  I understand it’s a big part of moving, but when car batteries go and deposits are way more than they should it starts to feel as if I have a hernia. Really, its painful to walk when you’re losing money. Or at least to me its painful to walk.

I really don’t have much of a purpose with this post, just wanted to get back in the groove.  Lets go with this: Make You, yes you, feel better about your current situation while describing my 3rd and 4th (current) days in Kansas.

Yesterday (3rd Kansas day) I got lost in a little town outside a big town, extremely frustrating.  Especially for the crossing guard I almost planted in the pavement. Mind you I was obeying all Traffic Laws as this crossing guard ran into the middle of a four lane road to shake his fist at me.  The only thing I can truly gather is he really dislikes silver(ish) four door sedans (pimp speed!). On my way back to civilization I get pulled over for texting while driving.  I can definitely see where the sheriff thought I was “manipulating” my phone, but I kindly told him I was clueless and simply consulting a preloaded map.  I held back on mentioning to him I’d be more likely to manipulate myself than text while driving, especially in a new city.  The rest of day three was a breeze, couple of drinks and football.

Day four, I think I’ve caught a break, I get to work at home on my second day of work SCORE! In fact I get so much done that I’m gonna award myself with a round of golf on new course, in a new town.  This is the golf fanatics (me) version of getting strange, true story.  Nope. Didn’t happen. Sit in my car, turn key….click, click, click, click….Efff me running. Battery is donezo.  I spend the rest of the day chasing after a seemingly fictional car battery for a pretty average car. Meanwhile recruiting people to help me jump my car and engage in awkward small talk.  You know the kind of small talk I’m talking about, the kind that is expected to end quite quickly…but doesn’t because the flipping car won’t start. Mike at O’Reilly auto parts has some great thoughts on closing municipal parks to save tax payers money…just a heads up Wichita, watch out for Manger Mike.   Hero’s of the day are Bill of the maintenance crew at the apartment grounds for the push and first jump, Bill received a 6 Pack of Budweiser Bottles (STL shout out) for his help. Also, Carlos who installed my battery at AutoZone, good kid stayed later to help out, was handsomely tipped and then rewarded by his manager.


Two Things:

1) I’m just trying to spread some good Karma, if all it takes is smiles (from my tribulations), thank you’s, beers, and some tipping to get a return, Then I’m In.

2) I’m really not run down as I thought I would be from the move and these trying days, It’s just tough having no one to talk too in a new town.



P.S. I believe I’ll be starting a Blog concerning the sports realm sometime soon…perhaps it will be more worth the read.


Song of the Day: The W.A.N.D by The Flaming Lips

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Awe Tech

Technology is great, its wonderful, it makes life easier. Right? Right.  I’m sometimes in awe of technology.  Usually its the scale that gets me, you know the connectivity to other things/people/places in this world.  Like when I’m driving East about 75 MPH across the midwest and talking with someone who is standing in a river in Alaska.  That’s pretty awesome.  Its amazed me how easy it is, how common it can be, and most impressively how consistent it is.  I know it sounds like a weird scenario but its happened more than once.

Really the only other time I’m in awe with technology is when its unbelievably user unfriendly.  Obviously I’m not talking about NASA computers, but how I can’t get Wi-Fi to work in my goddamn basement. The router is literally in the next room, and I have to jury rig a lan cable down the hall. Technology truly has two sides; one brings euphoria and the other? Well you know, Office Space.

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At least I don’t read Vampire Fiction

I’ve notice lately that my life resembles that of a person in an entirely different demographic. In reality I’m a male, college graduate, in his mid 20’s. Right now, at this point in my life, I’m a 16-year-old girl. I CAN drive, but I’ve got nowhere to go. I’m almost always on my phone or the computer. When I get anywhere, I’ve got no money to spend so I’m just window shopping. My only source of income comes from child sitting, my cousins kids, every other weekend. I live with my parents, and currently I’m drinking a pink Mikes Hard Lemonade, that was bought for me.

I haven’t quite decided if its worse to be a “16 yr old girl” or a “61 yr old man” like my friend the accountant. Who, as a 26-year-old man, speaks constantly of retirement and vacation homes. He goes to bed at 9 pm, and is continuously injuring himself playing golf or doing odd jobs (he says “adding value to”) around his house.

He’s got money, but I’m cute and bubbly.


...and for no reason, Bruce Willis in Moonlighting

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Fascination: The Beginning

This is the beginning. The beginning of a fascination. One that I pray to God doesn’t last long.  It is not that this fascination in particular isn’t interesting, but that it might raise some eyebrows.  Lets just say I hope it veers off before a room of my house becomes dedicated to……Bruce Willis. Now Bruce and I go way back, I’m talking Blind Date Far. As a film buff we’ve had many run ins, but it struck me literally 10 minutes ago that I know nothing about Walter Bruce Willis.  What’s his favorite Beer? What baseball team does he root for? Does he like tomatoes? (I envision Bruce as a prolific tomato eater), Bruce….Stones or Beatles? I need to know. 15 minutes ago I was all well and good.  It wasn’t until my Bro-in-law mentioned steaks, beers, and the Guardian as how his, my sisters, and nephews night was most likely going to end.  Easily an above average evening.

I began thinking….Aston Kutchar. ASS-TON KOOTCH-AR….The Kootch. I’d be pissed if my ex married him. What kind of man lets that happen? Bruce Willis let that happen? What kind of world am I living in? I can only surmise that an actor in real life (if there is such thing as “real life” to an actor) is equal to their best “played” role. So  Aston, to me, is the not to far-fetched dimwit Kelso from That 70’s Show and Over eager television host on Punk’d. How can John McClane/Butch Coolidge take that lying down? That’s how it started. Now I am eager to watch all of his greatest hits in chronological order starting with Die Hard.


My Sister Was Born > Had a Son > Aston Kutcher “Stars” in The Guardian > Son contemplates a military career > Brother-in-law says ” let’s get cinematic, The Guardian” > Tells Me > I contemplate the bad decision, then Aston Kutchers Life. > Realize Bruce is either Magnanimous or Patiently Vengeful > Wonder if Bruce prefers Beefsteak over Plum tomatoes

Below is how I envision Bruce all the time.  My dream, today, is for Bruce and I to have some Guinness (?), a couple of BLT’s, watch the White Sox (?) hit the field, and if he wants to, open a serious dialog about our trip to vegas!

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